“We’re trusting you, Eddie,” Said Christopher. “If anything scurries towards us, shoot it.”
Eddie nodded. “No problem. What percentage of your body do you want to be eaten away before I deliver the mercy shot?”
“You’re a very grim man.”
A new tour path through the center of the monster filled Haunted Forest goes wrong when the tram inexplicibly loses power and the forest inhabitants — who never seemed interested in the tram before — suddenly decide to approach and see what’s for dinner.
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TITLE:
THE HAUNTED FOREST TOUR
WRITER:
by James A. Moore and Jeff Strand
ARTIST:
by Glenn Chadbourne
GENRE:
Horror Fiction, Humor,
DESCRIPTORS:
Violence, Monsters, Demons, Pine Forest, Desert, Sacrifice, Scientists, Tourists,
CHARACTERS
Christopher Brummit, He may not have a life but his mother got him a ticket for the tour.
Mindy Brummit, Christopher’s mother who won tickets to the tour.
Tommy Walker, Brought by Aunt Jean and Uncle Perry, he’s going to get an experience to last a lifetime.
Lou Burgundy, Professional monster debunker who finally meets something he can’t debunk.
Barbara, The tour guide for Chris’ tram.
Eddie, The driver of the tram.
Martin Booth, Owner of H. F. Enterprises — just call him Booth.
Hannah Chambers, One of the scientists studying the monsters in the Haunted Forest.
Mark Harper, One of the scientists studying the monsters in the Haunted Forest.
SUMMARY:
When a Pine Forest filled with monster suddenly errupted out of the ground destroying a small desert town, H. F. Enterprises took over, setting up a bunker to study the monsters and selling tickets for a tram tour that circled around the edges of the forest, dipping in and out of it. Wildly popular, the tour had been a success for years. Now H. F. Enterprises is going to have the Haunted Forest Tour on a tram line that runs through the center of the the forest.
“Cut, cut, cut, slice, slice, slice. Do I sound like I’ve gone insane? I feel like I sound like I’ve gone insane. Stop me if I sound that way.”
Christopher Brummit and his mother are taking the tour. After a recent divorce and now possibly losing his job, Chris is eager for a diversion and the Haunted Forest Tour is something he’s always wanted to go on. Lou wants to see the monsters and prove to himself that they exist or debunk them. Tommy wants a Haunted Forest T-Shirt after they’re done with the ride.
The tram pulls out and for a while, heading straight into the forest, the ride goes smoothly and the passgengers get their share of grotesque monsters — until the tram loses power and stops. Nervousness mounts until the tram behind them runs up and plows into them. Panicked because now the monsters are getting into the damaged tram, Eddie manages get the tram running only to find a gigantic decapitated ogre head grinning at them as they hit.
Eddie, Chris and half the tram passengers leave and try to find a way out of the forest before they get eaten. The other half hold down the tram, shooting anything that climbs in. Stunned, completely disoriented, nearly weaponless with a rush of hungry, sharp clawed and sharp toothed things chasing them down, the passengers are going to need a miracle if they’re going to make it out of the forest alive.
Too bad none is forthcoming . . .
APPEAL:
The Haunted Forest Tour is a novel of horror with a good dose of humor. James A. Moore and Jeff Strand makes the combination of humor and horror seem effortless, and, despite the fact that two people are writing this — seamless. I couldn’t tell I was reading James and when I was reading Jeff. It was all delightfully sick, demented humor and horror.
The story is told in third person past tense limited omniscence, through shifting view points. Christopher Brummit’s point of view, however, is the most dominent.
“Did that hurt? I hope it hurt. I do so enjoy causing pain and suffering”
There are a lot of ways to die in the Haunted Forest and the team of Moore and Strand are determined to show you some of the bloodiest ways within the story. You’ll also get a look at some of the most imaginative monsters I’ve come across since I last played Dungeons and Dragons. Glenn Chadbourne provied cover art (all the monsters on the cover appear in the story) and interior art as well. My favorite is the giant ogre head smiling as it blocks the tram tracks.
A few characters are well thought out and fully realized including Christopher Brummit and his mother Mindy. In fact I thought Mindy was the most delightful of the initial survivors. Then Chris and Lou. Eddie was alternately helpful and compassionate and then a real heel. Barbara has some nice moments too.
The story takes off at a rapid pace and never lets up until the end. It was easy to read in the same way that Stephen King and Douglas Clegg are easy to read — clear, crisp prose that sends you to the end.
The Haunted Forest Tour may not scare you but it has genuine moments of suspense — particularly after the giant bird captures Christopher and flies him into harm’s way. It also has moments of laught outloud humor.
READALIKES:
Benjamin’s Parasite by Jeff Strand (Yes, the same Jeff Strand who co-wrote this novel) reads like The Haunted Forest Tour. Both easy to read, both grab you and catapult you towards the end with humor, monsters, thrills and suspense.
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